My Family Member Passed Away Do I Get a Discount for Bereavement Travel?
In this month’s “Dear Eugene,” we explore the benefits bereavement travelers have and tap experts for the best way to navigate grief while moving through the world.
Inspired by our intrepid founder, Eugene Fodor, Dear Eugene is a monthly series in which we invite readers to ask us their top travel questions. Each month, we’ll tap travel experts to answer your questions with the hopes of demystifying the more complicated parts of travel. Send your questions to [email protected] for a chance to have them answered in a future story.
Dear Eugene, my grandmother passed away suddenly, leaving my family reeling. Because she lived both stateside and abroad, I find myself having to travel to be with family, attend memorials, and help go through her belongings. A friend of mine mentioned airlines offer discounted fares for bereavement travelers, while another said those are only available to airline employees. For travelers who have lost a loved one, are there special bereavement airfare discounts, and how would one go about claiming those?
Dear reader, I offer you my deepest sympathies. Navigating the loss of a loved one is tremendously hard—not just because of the profound grief, but also because of the logistics that come in the aftermath of death. Even in the best of times, travel can be stressful, and adding heartache to that equation can feel downright overwhelming.
I’ll start with some immediate answers to your question and then move on to the lesser-acknowledged aspects of bereavement travel. Several airlines (not all) offer bereavement fares, waivers, or what’s sometimes called “compassion fares,” but that doesn’t always mean you’ll save money. The real benefit of bereavement fares is the greater flexibility they offer. And in terms of juggling the often-surprising elements that come along with a close family member’s death, flexibility really is key. For instance, you might be able to book an earlier flight or change a flight at the last minute without penalties. The airlines that do offer bereavement fares—like Alaska Airlines, Delta, Air Canada, and Hawaiian Airlines—have their policies posted on their website, but there’s still some ambiguity there.
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“There’s a ton of confusion around compassion or bereavement fares. It’s one of the areas where travelers can either save themselves a lot of stress or get unnecessarily frustrated,” explains Toni Filipone, founder of MasterGrief Academy and a speaker/coach in the grief space. “Many people assume there’s this standard discount or a clear policy across airlines. And that’s just not the case at all anymore.”
Filipone points out that policies change frequently and availability is highly variable, so rather than seeing a dramatic price reduction, you’re more likely to be put on the first standby, have a reduction in change fees, or rebook quickly if you need to stay an extra day.
“But in grief, flexibility often matters more than cost,” adds Filipone.
So, how do you find out whether an airline offers bereavement fares or actually book one? You have to call the airline directly and ask for it (more on that in a minute). According to Dr. Elreacy Dock, a certified grief educator and chair of the Thanatology department at Capstone University, just because an airline doesn’t have a documented policy on its website doesn’t mean it doesn’t offer bereavement fares or waivers. She points out that many airlines stopped offering bereavement fares about a decade ago, because while a typical bereavement fare has around a 5% to 20% discount, you’re not always getting the lowest possible fare.
“You could very well be offered the highest base fare with a discount just because it’s leaving during the day and at the time that you need,” says Dr. Dock. “A lot of airlines let go of those fares for that reason.”
Still, when it comes to repeated travel, international travel, or built-in flexibility, bereavement fares can be especially useful.
How to Get a Bereavement Fare and What to Expect
Nearly all airlines that offer bereavement fares require you to call them and speak to an agent, which might feel like a staggering task while in the throes of grief. But alas, it’s necessary. The airline might also ask you to verify the death in some way (via paperwork) or ask you basic questions about your relationship to the person or the date of the funeral/celebration of life.
“If they’re asking you for the paperwork, a lot of times they’re willing to let you travel multiple times within a certain period of time,” says Dr. Dock.
But let’s face it: No one wants to call an airline, wait on hold, and talk to a stranger about the death of a close loved one, let alone prove their death via documentation. So the biggest tip is to emotionally prepare yourself for that kind of phone call and gather documentation in advance. Since getting a death certificate can take days, weeks, or even months (assuming you have access to it at all), many airlines will either accept a note from the funeral home, a physician’s note, or take your word for it.
And if a phone call to an airline seems like the last thing on earth you want to do right now (understandably), Dr. Dock recommends asking a friend or family member to call around for you and give yourself permission to step away and take a break.
“After someone dies and we have to handle all of these different responsibilities, it puts a sense of urgency on us,” Dr. Dock says. “Even though we need to travel to handle everything, it’s not really as imminent as we are feeling psychologically. Our brain is designed to protect us, and it’s always scanning for a threat. In the absence of our loved one, when someone has died, this is already disrupting our natural brain processes day-to-day. It has a huge impact on you from a neuroscientific perspective.”
So remember that it’s also okay to just step away for a bit, ground yourself, and ask friends/family for extra support for the seemingly small stuff, because it adds up.
Navigating ‘Grief Chaos’ While Traveling
Knowing what to expect and being prepared are among the best defenses for navigating bereavement, including bereavement travel.
“Bereavement travel is fundamentally different from any other type of travel because you’re navigating logistics while your nervous system is still in shock.”
“It can be really challenging when a death is sudden, but even having the knowledge ahead of time can take one layer of uncertainty off the traveler’s plate,” says Filipone. Here, Filipone points out the “grief chaos” that comes after the death of a loved one, which is something not enough people talk about.
“Bereavement travel is fundamentally different from any other type of travel because you’re navigating logistics while your nervous system is still in shock,” says Filipone. “You’re making decisions quickly, booking flights, packing, arranging transportation, coordinating with family, but emotionally and cognitively, you’re not fully ‘online’ yet.”
If you emotionally prepare yourself and understand the process of compassionate care in advance, including what to expect and what to ask for, you’re much better able to navigate the complex system of state and international travel during acute grief.
Practical Travel Tips While Grieving
Since airports are built for efficiency, speed, and standard procedure, even the most seasoned traveler might feel like they’re underwater or overwhelmed while traveling for a memorial. And according to experts, that’s completely normal.
“Grief slows your internal pace dramatically,” says Filipone. “So simplify travel as much as possible.”
Nonstop Versus Layover
Choose a nonstop flight whenever possible. It cuts out extra transitions, gate changes, and additional security. These things, Filipone points out, can be disorienting when your attention and energy are already taxed. If a layover is unavoidable, build extra time between flights to allow yourself time to recover from any emotional waves that come with grief. Opt for an aisle seat if you need to pace up and down the aisle or if you need to easily grab your carry-on. Small decisions like this can have a big impact.
Hydrate and Snack
As much as you might want to reach for that glass of red wine or Bloody Mary, it’s best to skip it.
“Hydrate early on. Ask for water and pair it with something salty that actually calms your nervous system down,” says Filipone. “Get the pretzels, get the biscuits, even if you take a little piece, because that keeps your blood sugar level so your anxiety won’t spike. When blood sugar drops, it intensifies grief reactors.”
You don’t need a full meal; just a “safety signal” to the body, with small sips of water in between.
Box Breathing and Sensory Exercises
Both experts highlight the power of breathwork to help regulate your nervous system while up in the air. Dr. Dock recommends taking a “physiological sigh,” which basically communicates to your body that you are in a safe space.
“Take a deep inhale, and then while you’re holding that breath, take another inhale. Hold that and extend it when you exhale.”
For instance, inhale for five seconds, inhale again for another five, and exhale for eight to 10 seconds.
“What a lot of people don’t realize is that when we’re stressed out, we’re holding our breath constantly. This forces you to exhale that out,” she adds.
While up in the air, Filipone recommends putting on headphones (even without sound) and throwing on an eye mask or hoodie to block out visual stimulation. Then, plant your feet firmly on the floor, push down for 10 seconds, and then release. You can also “press your thumb into the armrest, notice the pressure, and then release,” which shifts your focus to physical sensations rather than mental or emotional ones.
“Or wrap your arms around your torso like a self-hug for 30 seconds,” adds Filipone. “This regulates your nervous system and tells the body that ‘I’m contained.’”
And if you do feel an emotional spike, she says to go to the bathroom and run cold water over your wrist for 20 seconds. Instead of letting your mind spin off in anxiety or an internal question loop, ground yourself by focusing on physical/sensory experiences.
Watch or Read Something Familiar
As much as you might want to watch that new thriller or drama on your seatback screen, opt for something super familiar and comforting. You don’t want to get triggered by an unexpected, heart-wrenching, or traumatic scene that elevates your emotional response in any way. There’s a reason why we all have our “comfort shows,” and on a long flight during grief, that’s the exact antidote we’re looking for. Filipone also recommends playing a repetitive game on your phone or reading something predictable, because that keeps your focus in a loop so you don’t get distracted.
Take It One Step at a Time
There are so many layers of hardship that come with death, so my last point of advice for you is to take everything one step at a time, reach out to peers, friends, and family for support, and know that there’s no timeline to grief. One thing we can all do, even if we’ve never experienced death firsthand, is to consider our own mortality and actively prepare for it so our loved ones left behind don’t have to struggle so much and plan every detail on their own. That might mean getting your personal and financial affairs in order, writing a will, designating a personal power of attorney, and setting out instructions for your end-of-life care. It may sound grim, but death is never a pretty subject.
“In thanatology, we have something that is known as a ‘good death,’” says Dr. Dock. “And so a ‘good death’ really pertains to being able to die in alignment with your values, being able to experience that without pain, and not having to stress out about if your arrangements are handled.”
A good death is, of course, shaped by socio-economic factors and culture, but we can do what we can now to make it easier for those left behind.
“I would recommend making sure that there’s money set aside and some sort of documented agreement that it needs to be accessible after death,” says Dr. Dock. “Typically, we would advise for that money to be available in a trust, but the issue is when it’s in a trust, you’re going through the whole process of settling the estate, and it can take a while for the estate to be settled — anywhere from months to years. One thing you can do is, if you have a financial power of attorney, for example, you can request that the person who is responsible for that power of attorney disperse those funds [for travel or funeral arrangements].”
Preparing yourself emotionally, mentally, and yes, fiscally, for the inevitability of death is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and our loved ones. So, dear reader, I’ll be wishing you strength and ease on your travels, especially traveling through grief, and may you find bits of comfort around every corner along your journey.